CBS Local – In a year that took “bizarreness” to a whole new level, it takes something special to stand out from the crowd and make our year-end “most bizarre” list. That said, we’re confident that these stories make the grade and then some.READ MORE: Atlanta Journal-Constitution Demands Disclaimer For 'Richard Jewell' Movie
Here are the stories that made us laugh, cringe, and scratch our heads in 2017.
Police Search For ‘Mad Pooper’ Who Dumps And Runs
Thanks to CBS4 Denver, we can confirm that the family who witnessed a woman pooping on their front yard had the same reaction of utter bewilderment that the rest of us had when reading their story.
Exhibit A: This exchange between the mother and her kids:
“They are like, ‘There’s a lady taking a poop!’ So I come outside, and I’m like … ‘are you serious? Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids?!’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, sorry!’”
Scientists Say Mind Still Works After Death, You Know You’re Dead
We’ll take “Good luck sleeping tonight” for $500.
Scientists’ discovery that your mind retains consciousness for a period of time even after you die, and that you “know” you’re dead is bone-chilling, to say the least.
Salvador Dali Still Has Mustache Despite Dying 28 Years Ago
Salvador Dali was known and admired for a great many things in his life, one of them being his trademark mustache, which he apparently still dons 28 years after his death.
Who says you can’t take it with you?
School Suddenly Finds Itself Covered In Dead Fish In Middle Of The Day – And No One Knows Why
Even the most bizarre scientific explanations don’t really suffice on this one. Apparently, the species of fish doesn’t reside anywhere near the school in question, and no particular weather event could have relocated the fish.
Doomsday Rescheduled: ‘Researcher’ Moves End Of The World To October
If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. That logic works for most everything in life, except for, uh, bold predictions that kind of require you to get it right the first time. For example, when you predict that the world will end.
However, one Christian researcher didn’t see it that way, and doubled-down on his original doomsday prediction after the day came and went without any water turning to blood or frogs raining down from the heavens.
As you may have guessed, he was wrong, yet again.READ MORE: The Art of Watching TV
Study: NYC Rats Have Evolved Into Uptown, Downtown Breeds
Talk to a New Yorker and they’ll tell you how proud they are of their neighborhood and how much better and different it is than all the rest.
Apparently, the infamous rats of New York can celebrate their diversity as well, according to one study.
Security Robot Meets Untimely Demise After Drowning On Job
A security robot in Washington, D.C. — lovingly named Steve — was on patrol in Washington Harbour when he took what was literally a turn for the worse into a fountain that short-circuited the non-aquatic machine.
The company that created Steve said that he was “mapping out the grounds” to avoid this type of an incident while on patrol.
With any luck, Steve at least spared his robot ancestors from suffering the same fate.
Police: Security Guard Steals $100K From Armored Truck On 1st Day On Job
For most of us, the first day on the job is a day to get acquainted with co-workers and get acclimated to our new environment.
For Larry Brooks, 19, from Philadelphia, it was a day to both get fired and go jail for second degree theft.
Scientists Call For Ban On Glitter, Say It’s A Global Hazard
If you thought scientists had more important things to do than expound on the detriments of glitter, you thought wrong.
Some in the science community are arguing that the risk of pollution from glitter, specifically to the oceans, is too great to ignore and the tiny plastic particles need to be outlawed.
No word on whether the Mariah Carey movie of the same name is under consideration for ban as well.
$40 And A Joint: Woman Finds Hilarious Apology On Scratched Car
Even though this “apology” might have come up short in terms of the cash needed to fix a scratched bumper, it certainly delivered on laughs.
The note left by the offender is arguably worth the headache itself.MORE NEWS: No Cannabis Ads On The Super Bowl
“Hey I am very sorry truley [sic]. I am such a dumba**. Please forgive me. Sorry 4 the scratch man.”